Our Girls in Church

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit, and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord, and there are a variety of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone.

I Corinthians 12:4-6

This is a topic I have been mulling over for quite some time. When my oldest son started as an altar boy a few years ago I was quite nervous. I try hard to keep my kids connected and engaged in the service and felt worried that he would be standing around daydreaming the whole time. Perhaps he is doing that quite a bit, but I have been so amazed at his stamina for standing in church and his connection with the different moments in the church service and the progression of the liturgy. It is truly a blessing - I should have known!My daughter is just a little under two years younger than my oldest son and they are very close. I worried a lot about how she would feel about not being able to serve in the altar and about being left behind with me and the littlest two boys. I put a few feelers out on some of the social media Orthodox Mothering sites and got some great feedback - some of which I remember now and some of which I don't (and can't seem to access anymore). What I do remember is that many women shared a sentiment that they want to make sure their daughters felt that they were an active part of the service and many women also said how much they appreciated the church's clarity in roles for men and women in the church.The Example of the SisterhoodOne thing that was mentioned that was not an active part of our church at the time was the importance of having a "sisterhood" - in essence, a community of women in the church who support and encourage one another as well as help to manage the housekeeping of the church. We were blessed to receive a new young priest into our church last year and our new matushka helped us in establishing a sisterhood which meets monthly to pray together and helps to organize our weekly trapeza/meal, baby showers, church festivities, etc. We have been using a group chat app as a way to stay connected and ask for prayer and it has been a tremendous blessing.While our daughters are likely not involved in this kind of a sisterhood much until a bit older it does provide a beautiful example of the importance of us as women in the life of the church and in each other's lives.Shepherding Younger ChildrenAnother vital role that our slightly older daughters (even starting at age 5 depending on your child's maturity) is to help to shepherd the other children in the church. Mothers with young babies are always thankful for help bringing their children to venerate the icons, light candles, stand with them or sit quietly with them on their laps. These relationships are very precious and can make our children feel the need to act properly as an example for the younger children. We have a tradition of ringing a set of small bells during the Theotokos hymn in divine liturgy and all the younger children want to be involved. My daughter (just turned 7) has taken the role of helping the children each take turns ringing the bells, knowing when to start and stop and helping them to ring them gently and musically.Other Ways to EngageWhen my son entered the altar I realized that the role gave him a way of being a vital part of the workings of the service and had a dramatic effect on his ability to stand quietly for long periods and follow the flow of the service. The same can be true for our daughters. In our church other ways I have found to have my daughter participate actively (while learning the subtle art of participation through prayer and contemplation) are:

• Caring for the candle stands: Quietly blowing out burnt down candles during the service, putting out candles at the end
• Providing hospitality to new guests by offering them our prosphora (blessed bread) or simply saying hello
• Singing in the choir: this deserves a post of its own at some point as it is not always possible for children to sing in the choir, but teaching your child to quietly sing along (as many children are naturally inclined to do) is a beautiful way to help them learn the service
• Helping prepare food for the shared meal - either at home preparing something to share or helping laying out the food or offering help in the kitchen
• Cleaning - as a child one of my fondest memories of helping at church was collecting the glass cleaner and wiping down the glass framed icons in the church quietly during the thanksgiving prayers. Most churches are cleaned by the volunteer efforts of the parishoners and we often celebrate days of church cleaning and yard work before a feast that our children can participate in.

Our Liturgy of Public Service

According to various sources online the term "liturgy" in Greek literally means to "work for the people." The OCA defines liturgy as "the official action of the Church formally gathered together as the chosen People of God." It is an action performed together in community - not a show that the clergy perform and parishoners bear witness to alone. We are an active part of the "work" and as such each of us finds our way to contribute to this public service. While adults may be able to participate in large part by worshiping and praying in community, children do well to have concrete roles. The church in her wisdom defines these roles quite clearly for our boys. For girls the roles may be more subtle, but are just as vital. If she's not already involved, consider sitting down with your daughter(s) and discussing ways they would like to help out. While children as young as 2 and 3 can begin participating, once the boys enter the altar around age 6 it is especially important for our same-aged girls to begin their formal participation in whatever way feels right for your child and your parish. 

May our every effort be blessed.

In Christ's love,

Sasha